As a significant number of students taking this module are aspiring to be teachers, and perhaps a few have plans to start a family after graduation, learning to resolve interpersonal conflicts amongst children is of vital importance. We should bear in mind that such conflicts, while revolving around matters seemingly trivial to adults, are of profound seriousness to the child at that stage of his or her life and if left unresolved could grow into something more detrimental as the child develops. Thus, I have decided it appropriate that this post feature a hypothetical but not uncommon scenario involving a pair of squabbling siblings.
Scenario :
Isaac and Rebecca are siblings in a family of four. Four-year-old Rebecca is the younger of the two by five years. They are both big fans of Garfield, the comic by Jim Davis. One day, they decide that they are going to start collecting clippings from the newspaper’s comics section. However, the family only subscribes to one newspaper and both siblings want the daily Garfield comic for their own private collections. Isaac is willing to share but the younger and more selfish Rebecca is not.
On the surface, the conflict appears to be over newspaper clippings. However, this latest dispute is actually a symptom masking a deeper source of sibling rivalry. Isaac is bitter that his elders always insist that he give in to his sister on the grounds that she is younger. Rebecca, on the other hand, is tired of living in her brother’s shadow, of being endlessly compared to him because his grades are better and of receiving hand-me-down toys and clothes from him. She attempts to distinguish herself from him in as many ways as possible, to the extent of deluding herself into thinking that she likes everything he doesn’t and hates everything he does even though they share similar tastes. She even refuses to acknowledge their family resemblance.
The argument over who gets the newspaper clippings is just the most recent manifestation of their constant rivalry, with both parties reluctant to “lose” this symbolic battle of wills.
If you were either Isaac or Rebecca, or one of their parents or grandparents, what would you suggest as a satisfactory resolution to this conflict at its superficial and deeper levels?
If I were Isaac, I would just use my own money to buy another newspapers since everyone wants me to give in to Rebecca. This does not solve the intrinsic problem but at least there will be surface harmony. To solve the more intrinsic problem, Isaac would have to look inwards and put himself in her shoes. Try to understand why she is acting this way. From there, treat her so nice that she has no reason to hate him.
ReplyDeleteIf I were a parent/grandparent of theirs, I would buy 2 sets of newspapers and not compare them both. Instead, praise anyone who deserves to be praised, be it studies or extra curricular activities. Also, I would bring Rebecca out to buy some pretty clothes and girly toys that are more suitable for her age. I believe she would slowly but surely step out of her brother's shadow.
True to form, you indeed consistently write brilliantly, Issac! I suppose only I am able to tell you this, Issac, and the rest cant, because only I write anywhere in your vicinity. Haha! And also because I havent seen one soul comment positively with regards specifically to your writing and language expression, which follows they dont know about the good in your writing.
ReplyDeleteWe both like to construct long and multi-faceted sentences containing multi-details, and we both can do it really well. We both are able to give such close description readers literally feel the characters described breached the abstract divide into the realm of fact!! I can identify with your writing Issac. You are a great blessing to me! It pleases me to read about what you write I would also say you are miles better in writing than any of your peers in your tutorial group! Now for the advice for Issac and Rebecca!
Issac should show brotherly love and care for his sister, but he wouldnt be able to do so automatically. His parents will slowly coax him into loving and caring for his sister and make sure he understands that is his brotherly obligation. It will then become a habit in no time. Also, love would include giving in and learning to sacrifice his wants so that a more egalitarian sibling relationship forms. In fact, I would say Issac learn to give his sister the advantage in the relationship only because he would be unconsciously also acquiring some sort of fruit for his emotional intelligence both now and in the future!
As for his sister, and given the temple of love and care of her brother's; she should forge her emotional intelligence likewise not by rejecting the advantage disposed her by her brother; rather she should learn never to take the advantage/good for granted and be effusive in her thankfulness, thoughtfulness towards her brother, consequently. For instance, being thoughtful, she would start making the bed of her brother's every morning to demonstrate UNSPOKEN and mutual gratitude; or she can make sure not to disrupt her brother's concentration with schoolwork by not making noise whenever he studies. All these will train her emotional intelligence just as well as Issac has his refined in other ways specific to his role as brother.
VOILA ISSAC! I've given you my advice in good faith, and in the same kind of language expression I feel you use in your writing too!!!
We are a mind match made in heaven!
Your blog has moved up to the number one spot on my list of to-read priority blogs! Haha!
What can I say? Brilliance........
Cheers
Well Isaac yours is quite the interesting problem.
ReplyDeleteIts a little different from the conflicts posted by others insofar as it involves children, which changes the dynamics a lot I believe.
"A symptom masking a deeper source of sibling rivalry." That's a concept some adults are struggling with, much less children. I would go so far as to venture that these two kids, Isaac and Rebecca, themselves do not know the true reason why they are so upset with each other; they just are and thats all they know.
The beautiful thing about children though is that their minds are still very receptive to external stimulus; they can be persuaded, distracted, or if it comes to it, bribed. Their parents could perhaps get Isaac interested in other comics, or buy Rebecca a new toy to get her mind away from Garfield.
In closing I think its important to remember that you are dealing with children after all. We cannot expect them to reason on our level, hence we must do it on theirs.
Hi Faizal, you look to be writing more and more like Issac and me. Your ideas and sentences are getting more sophisticated and I cannot help but notice it so clearly. Looks like you, Issac and myself are set to be mind friends forever. Haha!
ReplyDeleteEveryone should learn from Faizal too!
Cheers
Interesting!
ReplyDeleteThink the first thing that the parents have to do is to stop comparison, both verbally and non verbally. Their spirit of comparison that is affecting Rebecca in negative ways, and could be the root of the sibling rivalry. Instead, their parents could praise Isaac and Rebecca for areas in which they excel in, in order to build up their individual sense of identity. Constantly encouraging them could also convey to them a sense of acceptance that comes unconditionally. Maybe then, it will dawn upon them that it doesn't matter if 'Garfield belongs to me', because whoever Garfield belongs to doesn't change who they are or how their parents see them?
ok,good night. I'm sleeping.
Well Mark what can I say...
ReplyDeleteI am incredibly stunned that you, Mark, who seems to have declared yourself the standard bearer in blog writing, have deemed me worthy of joining your runaway group of superior minds.
It is true; I am supremely talented. Yet I feel that I must decline, Mark, for I am truly not ready for that. I must hold my place amongst the other mere mortals, only because I don't think I'm quite at your level yet.
You see, Mark, I am truly amazed, sometimes to the point of speechlessness, every time I encounter one of your works.
So much so that I don't think you and I are even playing in the same mental league. In fact, sometimes, Mark, I don't think you and I are even in the same planet!
Oh I can see it now. Somewhere out there in the darkness of space, pass the rings of Saturn, I see you, Mark, sitting behind a table, scribing out of Uranus.
Do you see it too? Do you see as I see Mark? I am really quite fearful that you do not.
Well I must end here, for I do not wish to take any more attention away from Isaac's post.
Garfieldio! (Italian for Garfield)
upz to all...
Hi Issac, this situation is a very typical sibling rivalry. I would say it is very prevalent in Singapore since our education system is very grades oriented.
ReplyDeleteSince the younger sister is just four years old and the elder brother is nine years old, the majority of the work to improve the family harmony will have to be done by the parents. Parents must love the individual kids for who they are and not just what they can de or achieve. Praises will encourage a child and foster the growth but blames and comparison in the wrong way will just kill the potential of the child. I believe every kid has his/her unique sets of talents and it’s the job of parents and teachers to help them discover them and guide them to develop their gifts.
Now’s the practical portion. The parent can get two sets of newspaper. In addition, it’s high time to get new clothes and stuff for Rebecca since she is a girl and we would not expect her to take on stuff from a brother right? The parents can also set up private space or corners in the house where the siblings can express their creativity without conflict with each other. However, there must be common things where the parents will have to educate them to share. The education of sharing must not be neglected since a childhood sibling experience will lay the foundation of interpersonal skills of a child.
Que lindo, Faizal!(You are so cute in espanol!)
ReplyDeleteI havent flattered you as much as you did me, Faizal; so I should rightly be more surprised than you are with me. Haha!
But it bothers me greatly to know somebody called me the 'standard bearer' in blog writing; for supposing its truth, and after a long search high and low, I should long before found a most commensurable posts of evidences to equal the requirement standard agrees: but that failed to materialize to form, good Faizal, which has been some way regretful; though given a choice, certainly's not a fault to bear for Brad or anybody else, and another, premature.
For supposing I were in fact a standard bearer, but in complete irony, no body had wrote to property as such, nor literary gentle enough likewise; that would follow such a standard as none at all. I, therefore, couldn't have bore any less standard than I could have bore more indignity and lost of some sort of a functionable regarding self.
The standard, Faizal, that we both dutifully employ ourselves in; by which also we sought to apply ourselves to the better consequences than all in our company, eludes our grasp for such as to be visited only on terms of majority. For might makes a right; and majority desigates a certain arrogant and mighty supremacy comparable in proportionable terms with 20 ES2007s, versus just the 2 or 3(including an Issac) of us, Faizal!
LOL
Cheers
Hey I made an error in the last statement above. It should read:
ReplyDelete"For might makes a right; and majority desigates a certain arrogant and mighty supremacy comparable in proportionable terms with 20 other ES2007s students, versus just the 2 or 3(including an Issac) of us, Faizal!"
Cheers
If I was either Isaac or Rebecca, I would try to understand what the other party feels and have a good heart-to-heart talk over this sibling rivalry. Isaac should realise that as an older brother, he has the capacity and responsibility to look after his younger sister and to change her mentality over this whole issue. This does not mean giving in to her demands or battling with her but to educate her and show his genuine love and concern for her. On the other hand, Rebecca should understand that the comparisons made of her with her brother are to spur and encourage her to look upon her brother as her role model. Distinguishing herself from her brother can never change the fact that he is her brother. Since she is only four years old, she is too young to think like a mature individual and this is where her parents and grandparents should guide her to think of her brother as family, and not as a rival. The idea of sharing and working together should be taught to them. Both Isaac and Rebecca should spend time to bond with each other and to love each other for who they are. For the situation mentioned, they could work to collect the newspaper clippings together and start a scrapbook.
ReplyDeleteCheers!
Dear classmates, as you have all given such insightful suggestions as to the resolution of this conflict, I feel it only fair that I now divulge how it was actually resolved. While the scenario itself was hypothetical, it borrowed some elements from actual events. Be forewarned, however, that the conclusion is a bit of an anticlimax. A modified Treaty of Versailles was signed in which the pair of siblings agreed to a formal cessation of hostilities.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Isaac, Treaty of Versailles and all.
ReplyDeleteThis is an excellent post, first and foremost because it adheres beautifully to the 7Cs (though the preface does place it above the word limit). Your description of this common and yet challenging scenario is clear and coherent, your language fluency is very fine, and your presentation of details just enough for your readers to develop a sincere interest in a solution.
You've also garnered lots of relevant feedback (and some not so relevant...but that is the nature of blogging!).
Thank you for sharing.